Dear Hair,

On Sept 10, 2011 I used Frucits Garnier Sleek and Shine leave in conditioner. I blew you dry and curled you with a hot iron. I pinned you up so I would look like Lucille Ball. The next day, I didn't wash you. I put a headband on and touched up some of the curls with the hot iron again. Monday the 12th, I washed you. I looked in the mirror at what I was expecting to be messy, natural curls. Instead, my eyes beheld messy, straight hair. I combed you out, wondering what had happened to you. I grabbed the leave in conditioner that I used two days previous, and as I spread it through your locks, I came to the realization that it was probably the cause to the lack of curl.
I thought that it wouldn't last. I waited, watching for the return of curls. One day became two, two days became a week. There was little improvement. I started taking pictures with my phone, so as to better see whether there were any change. In that first week, you went from mostly straight to somewhat wavy. But after that, you plateau'd. You lost your curl. I lost your curl. And for that I am truly sorry. It saddens me every time I think of what you were, and that you likely won't ever be that way again.
Today is Oct 31st, 2011 and it has been 7 weeks since I last used the leave in conditioner. You've had no visible change for at least six weeks, now. And it is time I gave up hope. Perhaps I will perm you, or perhaps I will learn to love you as you are now. But either way, I will always love and miss what you once were.

-Octavian

Hello, nasty bruise. Where did you come from?

Have you ever asked a bruise this question? Maybe not. Not everyone talks to their bruises like I do. But I'm sure you have found at least one bruise in your life time that you didn't know how you got it.
Its really not an unusual thing to have an unexplained bruise. I mean, we don't notice or remember every single thing that hurts us. At work I would get bruises that I didn't notice, all the time. I would be in a hurry and would hit my shin or whatever and just keep on going. I didn't have time to notice every time I hit something. Or sometimes I think that while sleeping, we (or at least I) tend to get hurt. So unexplained bruises are not a strange thing.
The thing that is strange is finding a bruise that is particularly nasty or in an unusual place. Let me explain before you get strange ideas. A few weeks ago I was wearing shorts. These shorts are somewhat shorter than what I typically wear. The only time I wear them out in public is with my swimsuit. However, I will often wear them to sleep in. Anyway, a few weeks ago I woke up and before changing my clothes, wanted to get something from out of my car. I was wearing these shorts and as I put on some shoes, I discovered a nasty bruise on my inner thigh. It was the darkest bruise I have had in years. It didn't really hurt much, but it was extremely dark and being on my inner thigh, I had no idea how I got it without noticing.
Another strange place to get a bruise without noticing is on your hand. I don't often bruise there, but there was a period of time where I almost constantly had a bruise on the back of my hand. I worked at Quiznos at the time and we had some shelves made of metal in the back room. One day, I was in a hurry and while passing these shelves I hit my hand. Irritated with myself, I thought, "I always do that," and kept on about my work. Later that day I looked at my hand to discover a new bruise. I had a brilliant "aha!" moment as I realized why I almost constantly had a bruise in that spot.
Bruises are strange things, if you ask me. Particularly the nasty bruises in odd places. I have (many, many times) said, "Hello, nasty bruise. Where did you come from?" Most times I even say it aloud. And I will many more times in my life, I am sure. Because I have many years left in my life and plenty of unexplained bruises will appear in that time.
I know this, because I have seen the future. O.o
-Octavian